Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
