I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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