Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The air taste purple.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
