So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
