I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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