There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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