smell my finger.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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