apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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