She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
And the cops told us we were all naked.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
