my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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