He had one of those small greek statue penises
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
