i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
dude. I can hear the air.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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