tell your sister to shave her snatch
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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