i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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