WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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