The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
