i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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