Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
