Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
MIDGETS
????
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
