Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize