Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
