If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
