Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
