She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
