I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
