I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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