just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
