God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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