this beer tastes like vomit already
our cab driver is having phone sex.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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