boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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