Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
