WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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