oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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