Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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