bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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