Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
