i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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