I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
