matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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