I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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