My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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