i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
