The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
