How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
