if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
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