He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
too bad you live with your parents still
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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