bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
