Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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