what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
