That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
