dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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