Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
