yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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