my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
