I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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