i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My ass is underappreciated
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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