I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
