And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
