So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
zippers are such a cool invention
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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