my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My breasts were aching with rage.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
