turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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