all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I want her autograph on my taint
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
