I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
