Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
