I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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