Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
