so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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