I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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