why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
