He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
