How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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